Ask for what you want
I was fortunate enough to witness the marriage of my nephew to the “love of his life” this past weekend. It was a wonderful wedding ceremony and the happy couple, John & Ashley, are enjoying a honeymoon in Hawaii. I got to spend time with my sister and my Mother too.
After the wedding, I spent the night with a friend who happens to have an adorable bichon/havanese mix named Emma. Whenever I visit Barbara, Emma stays with me. She sleeps snuggled up next to me hardly even thinking of her mom in the next room.
Another thing Emma does, which we humans should take particular attention to, is ask for what she wants. I’m sure there are other dogs and other pets; in general, that do the same thing. She pushes her nose under your hand to get the attention she wants. She rolls over on her back and gets the belly rub she requests. She brings a toy when she’s ready to play.
My girls, both bichons, do that nose under the hand thing. They do not know how to play, they are puppy mill breeders that were rescued by Small Paws Rescue, the rescue I volunteer for as a foster parent.
They do know how to ask for attention, now that they feel safe. And, April especially, knows how to ask for dinner!
The point here is, why do we humans, who are supposed to be so smart and evolved, NOT ask for what we want. We do this around about way of hinting that we need a hug, or we need to talk, or maybe just some time with another human.
But we don’t. We think, “oh, so and so knows me so well, they should know that I need this, or want that.” Or, that person won’t want to spend time with me. And we fear rejection. But we don’t know what that other person would do if we ask.
As Don Miguel Ruiz says in “The Four Agreements,” their perspective is theirs. They don’t know your story. They only know their own story.
He asks us to speak our truth and to ask questions when we don’t understand what is being said. We should not assume that we know what some one’s else’s story is, or their perception of anything, including the truth about ‘your’ story.
So, let’s make an effort to ask for what we want and need. If we need a hug, ask for it. (Always ask before entering someone else’s personal space.) If we need some space, say so. If we need someone to just listen, we need only speak up.
Let’s do our part to be honest with each other in ALL aspects of our interactions. It CAN be a better a better world. It starts with us.