Great Morning Beloved!

The Measure of a Man

Last week we were introduced to our Summer Series on Science Fiction and some of the Lessons we can learn from it. I say some, because there is so very much material, we could not get through it all in a year, most likely several years, maybe.

We were reminded of a few of the modern conveniences that we have now that were based upon the imagination of the many Sci-fi writers. I think Charles would be proud of their use of IMAGINATION.
Many scientists and NASA engineers received their inspiration from sci-fi shows, books and movies.
The technological advancement alone received from these innovators is amazing. But also, a look into what we, as humans can experience if we just let our minds wander to what if’s

What if there was no more poverty?
What if there was no longer discrimination?
What if there were no ‘impossibles’?
Let your mind wander for a moment….what is that world like?

We ended the Lesson with the question: “What God have we created?”
Did you ponder that this week?

This week we look at an episode from Star Trek, The Next Generation, titled “The Measure of a Man.”.
When the U.S.S. Enterprise arrives at the newly established Starbase 173, Data is ordered to serve under Captain Bruce Maddox, a powerful and well-respected Starfleet cybernetics expert who wishes to disassemble and study him so that more androids can be made for Starfleet’s use.
If you didn’t know it before, Data is a machine, an anroid, that acts, in many ways, like a human, though thinks like the Vulcan from the original series, Mr. Spock..
After Data learns that Maddox may not be able to reassemble him, he refuses to submit to the procedure. When Captain Picard is unable to have the orders changed, Data’s only option is to resign from Starfleet. His decision to resign, however, is challenged by Maddox on the basis that Data is not a person with rights, but property of the Federation. In fact, throughout the episode, Maddox refers to Data as “it,” not “him,” much to the dismay of his Enterprise friends and colleagues.

Picard announces that he will challenge that ruling at a hearing. Since the base is new and insufficiently staffed; Picard would have to defend Data, while the next most senior officer, Commander Riker, would have to prosecute. Riker is warned that if he does not give his best effort, the judge will summarily rule in favor of Maddox.
This sets the stage for an interesting and sometimes emotional court battle. At stake is far more than Data’s own future but the morality of the Federation itself. Faced with no other choice, Riker must contend in his prosecution that Data is simply a machine — the creation of man. This is definitely not an open and shut case. When Riker presents Starfleet’s case, however, he proves Data’s artificiality in a devastating way by merely hitting his off switch, leaving him lifeless in his seat.
Certain of his defeat, Picard has a discussion with Guinan, the wise bartender on board, played by Whoopie Goldberg. She has an interesting suggestion; that the Federation’s desire to create and own a race of disposable androids is the recreation of slavery.
Picard brings this point to the discussion and declares that in a sense, all beings are created but that does not necessarily make them the property of their creator.
Think about our lives. Are we not created in the image and likeness of OUR Creator? Yet we have free will. We are not owned by that Creator.
Picard reminds the court: “Our mission is to seek out new life.” He points at Data and states, “Well, there it sits!”
The judge agrees with him, asserting that Data may be a machine, but he is owned by no one and has the right to make his own decisions regarding his life.

This court-theme deals on the surface, with concepts such as “what is sentience” and “when does machine end and man begin.”
While defining “what is life,” there is an even richer lesson for us here.
Throughout this episode, the characters are challenged to let go of what they had previously believed to be true, what constitutes a living being. This is particularly true for Commander Maddox, but to some degree, every person involved in this drama is changed by their experience.
Commander Riker is perhaps the most heroic player in this episode. He agrees to prosecute Data, one of his closest friends, because if he doesn’t, the judge will summarily find against him. He does this at great personal expense, for Riker sacrificed his own happiness in agreeing to prosecute his friend.

Think about a time when you may have had to go against a friend to remain true to your own integrity….

Everyone on the ship, everyone involved in this story, comes out of it with a new perspective on Data. There is now no doubt that Data is independent, his own “person” so to speak, but no one is clearer on this at the end than Commander Maddox, as Socrates so succinctly put it, “The truly wise man is he who knows how ignorant he is.”
This reminds us mostly of the nature of our most closely held beliefs, and particularly of stereotypes. We tend to cling most tightly to what we want to believe the most, whether it’s working for us or not. Remember the definition of insanity? To do the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result?
I believe that the angels weep at our ignorance of our ignorance, because it causes such suffering. To hold so tightly to our beliefs takes a lot of energy… energy that we could be putting into enjoying life.
To realize that you do not understand is a virtue; Not to realize that you do not understand is a defect. — Lao-Tzu, “Tao Teh Ching”

One of the Buddha’s most famous teachings is the Parable of the Raft. In it he likened his teachings to a raft for crossing a fast-flowing river.

A man is trapped on one side of a river. On this side of the river, there is great danger and uncertainty; on the far side is safety. But there is no bridge spanning the river, nor is there a ferry to cross over. What to do? The man gathers together logs, leaves, and creepers and by his wit fashions a raft from these materials. By lying on the raft and using his hands and feet as paddles he manages to cross the river from the dangerous side to the side of safety.

The Buddha then asks the listeners a question. What would you think if the man, having crossed over the river thought to himself, That raft has served me well I will carry it on my back over the land now?

The monks replied that it would not be a very sensible idea to cling to the raft in such a way.

The Buddha went on, What if he lay the raft down gratefully thinking that this raft has served him well but is no longer of use and can thus be laid down upon the shore?

The monks replied that this would be the proper attitude.

The Buddha concluded by saying, So it is with my teachings which are like a raft and are for crossing over with—not for seizing hold of.

In the early stages of faith and life there is a lot of raft-seizing. We find a truth or a piece of the truth, and we make it absolute. It starts out with things like, My family is the best. My country is the greatest. My team is all. My race is the crown of civilization. My religion is the only true one. There are gifts and blessings in all these things, but they can all be absolutized and used to defend the ego—the individual ego or the group ego.
Don’t we see this right now in our own country?.

One of the principles behind this parable is the Buddha’s sense that spirituality ought to be practical. He did not want to waste any time on what he called “speculation,” on things like, How can God be three and one at the same time? Is there a real heaven and hell somewhere? Which sins are mortal and which are only venial? Did this miracle in the Bible actually happen? Who are the ‘elect’? Was Mary really a virgin? None of these things can be known, and we waste our time and energies pursuing them, and often debating and even fighting over them.
Spirituality ought to be practical. Nice that Unity is called Practical Christianity…

Use the truths that are given to you as a raft, to carry you through troubled times, to help you find your way to safety and blessing. But don’t keep carrying the raft around. Don’t set the raft up in a chapel somewhere and start worshiping it. And for sure, don’t fight with others about whose raft is really the true raft.
This is certainly a parable for our day.

What if the path to enlightenment, the path to true joy in life, is to be willing to let go of even our most closely held beliefs, to be willing, as the masters did, to be open to all the evidence presented to us… and to be willing to change our minds? To be willing to leave our rafts behind and walk on without them?

Charles was quoted as stating that he reserved the right to change his mind about what he believed at the time.
Our Way-shower, Jesus was raised in the strict purity laws of his day, he was willing to look at what he was taught in a new and different way. He saw, that while these laws were necessary at one time, that they had served their effectiveness, and that his people were ready for the next step.

Although he had been taught that it was what went into his mouth that made him pure or not, he saw that it was what was in his heart, and what came out of his mouth, that was more important.

While he had been taught that man was made for the Sabbath, he saw that the Sabbath had really been made for man. He saw that rules and principles are two different things, and that although he had been raised to see rules as more important, he grew to realize that principle was our path to true wisdom, and joy.

You can see a lot of what Charles brought out of Jesus’ teachings and put into the foundation of Unity.

Like the prophets of sci-fi that we looked at last week, Jesus, and other masters that we admire, were willing to think outside of the box. They believed in miracles, not as something outside of nature or their experience, but as the possibility inherent in being willing to see beyond our current experience.

Are we willing to change our minds? Are we willing to believe in miracles, seeing that real miracles, as Willa Cather described them, “rest not so much upon healing power coming suddenly near us from afar but upon our perceptions being made finer, so that, for the moment, our eyes can see and our ears can hear what has been around us always.”

In the Measure of a Man, Picard becomes clear that the real issue at hand isn’t whether or not Data is an android, or even sentient. The real issue is how we treat anyone who is different from us in society. And how we reduce those who are different to non-beings. It’s happened repeatedly in this country and around the world with slavery, the subjugation of women, the Nazi holocaust, and more recent examples of genocide, and now with the immigrant situation coming to a head. The worldwide swing to the “right” is another example of fear of our differences.
How easily we justify enslaving and killing anyone, or anything, not like us. And yet, our differences are absolutely necessary to make us strong. Star Trek was an attempt to say that humanity will reach maturity and wisdom on the day that it begins to not just, tolerate, but take a special delight in differences in ideas and differences in lifeforms. -. – Gene Roddenberry

Diversity is necessary for the survival of our species. Ironically, we continue to fear that which is different from ourselves.

We see this clearly in the episode this morning. Maddox calls Data “IT” throughout the entire episode. It is only in the last minutes of the final scene that he refers to Data as “he” recognizing his “humanity.”

“It is not so important to know everything as to appreciate what we learn.” Hannah More

“Where no one has gone before”

AS most of you know, I am a big fan of fantasy and science fiction stories, movies and TV shows. I know some of you are fans also, and others of you think, here we go again…
And why?
Science Fiction and Fantasy books, movies, and stories not only take our imaginations where the impossible, it seems, goes; but we also learn many spiritual and self-awareness lessons from these glimpses into our future.

Any Trekkie will tell you that the communicator on the first episode of Star Trek back in 1966 was the idea inspiration just six short years later when Martin Cooper made the first public cell phone call from a handheld device. He acknowledged that Star Trek had inspired him to develop the technology.

Many other science and technology advancements were first thought of in stories that date as far back as to “True History” by Lucian of Samosata written sometime in the 100’s AD/CE. In this very early book, travels to the Moon, the Sun, and the Morning Star (Venus) were described. It also includes encounters of life forms from these different worlds, advanced human technology, interplanetary warfare and imperialism.
Can you imagine?? In 100 CE, someone was imagining travel to the moon and stars, to other planets. That is amazing to me.

And where does it all start? Where do these writers and inventors begin?
Our imagination. Imagine that! One of our 12 Powers is the start of so many hours of entertainment, and encouragement and innovation. Charles was on to something.

But even more than all that, Science fiction is an existential metaphor that allows us to tell stories about the human condition.
OUR human condition!
Star Trek and shows like it allowed us to take a peek at situations that were not available for us to look at in society for years.
Gene Roddenberry, creator of Star Trek, said, “Star Trek was an attempt to say that humanity will reach maturity and wisdom on the day that it begins not just to tolerate, but take a special delight in differences in ideas and differences in life forms. […] If we cannot learn to actually enjoy those small differences, to take a positive delight in those small differences between our own kind, here on this planet, then we do not deserve to go out into space and meet the diversity that is almost certainly out there.”

There is a Unity song, “Amazing Things”, we have sung in Sunday Services before, the main line in the song is “We will do amazing things.” Jesus has told us we will do ‘even greater things than he has done.
Yet, we too often believe that we are not powerful enough to make a difference in much of life. We often feel as if we can barely take care of our day-to-day activities.

Yet we are told again and again that we are made in the image and likeness of the Divine, the Creator of all that is.

Well, science fiction gives us a glimpse of what we can be. What holds us back? Maybe this will help us understand what holds some of us back.

These is a story about renowned statistician George Dantzig. He wanted to complete his doctorate under Jerzy Neyman, one of great founders of modern statistics.
This is in1939, Dantzig asked if there was any possibility he could obtain a teaching assistantship at Berkeley. Neyman agreed and Dantzig began to undertake graduate studies. Danzig relates the following story:
“During my first year at Berkeley I arrived late one day to one of Neyman’s classes. On the blackboard were two problems which I assumed had been assigned for homework. I copied them down. A few days later I apologized to Neyman for taking so long to do the homework – the problems seemed to be a little harder to do than usual. I asked him if he still wanted the work. He told me to throw it on his desk. I did so reluctantly because his desk was covered with such a heap of papers that I feared my homework would be lost there forever.
About six weeks later, one Sunday morning I was awakened by someone banging on our front door. It was Neyman. He rushed in with papers in hand, all excited: “I’ve just written an introduction to one of your papers. Read it so I can send it out right away for publication.” For a minute I had no idea what he was talking about. To make a long story short, the problems on the blackboard which I had solved thinking they were homework were in fact two famous unsolved problems in statistics. That was the first inkling I had that there was anything special about them.”
Danzig later shared that if he had known that these problems were considered unsolvable, he never would have tried to solve them. In other words, he was able to solve the problems because he didn’t see them as unsolvable. He believed it was possible, because he didn’t know otherwise.

He believed it was possible, because he didn’t know otherwise. Have you ever felt that? So sure of what you were doing you didn’t think twice about it?
It’s a great feeling…isn’t it?
Yet we question ourselves about so many things so often, we stop ourselves. We short-change ourselves.

It’s time to move forward…to stop short-changing ourselves.

That’s what these sci-fi prophets, these leaders in insights do …what we as humans can really be, can accomplish if we just believe in the possible.

I believe writers like Jules Verne, H.G. Wells, Ray Bradbury, Isaac Asimov, Arthur C. Clarke, Gene Roddenberry, George Lucas, many more like them envisioned a world very different from the one we live in.
They all encountered opportunities to show how humanity does interact poorly and then how wonderfully we are able to interact with the ‘other’, the one who looks different, talks different, maybe thinks differently about things.
They did all these things in their writing.

Again, Gene Roddenberry tells us:
“If man is to survive, he will have learned to take a delight in the essential differences between men and between cultures. He will learn that differences in ideas and attitudes are a delight, part of life’s exciting variety, not something to fear.”

Gene Roddenberry, creator of Star Trek was a police officer turned screenwriter, He saw Star Trek as a Wagon Train to the stars. He created a Universe where prejudice, poverty and hunger were things of the past. And just as Maslow had predicted in his hierarchy of needs, once our survival needs had been met, we took to the stars, to explore beyond our bounds… to go where no one had gone before.

Roddenberry symbolized the progress we had made by the diversity of the crew of the Enterprise. The bridge crew alone was comprised of an African American woman, a Russian, a Scott, an Asian, and a bonafide alien, the Vulcan science officer, Mr. Spock.
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Interestingly, the original pilot had a woman first officer, which was canned. The producers of the series said no one would ever believe that a woman could be in a position of such power, and authority over men. That was 1966.

Times slowly change.

Eventually, that idea was scrapped with Star Trek, Voyager, which had a female captain, Capt. Janeway

Looking at the political and social climate of today, sometimes I feel as if we are slipping backwards….

Classic Trek was only on TV for 3 years, but it spawned many other versions of Star Trek -movies, other Trek series: Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Enterprise and now Discovery.

There are hundreds of Star Trek novels on the shelves today, written by some of the best and most prolific sci-fi writers. There was even a Star Trek cartoon.
So what is the appeal of Star Trek?

I believe, in reaching to the stars and introducing us to countless alien species, Gene Roddenberry actually introduced us to ourselves. Roddenberry was trying to show us that for all our differences, we have just as much in common. We dream, we love, we fear, we laugh, we cry, we have children and families and in-laws. We are born and we die. Star Trek is about the journey in between.

By placing us and our journey on distant planets, Roddenberry was able to explore subjects heretofore taboo on network television. He wrote about prejudice, the futility of war, misuse of power, women’s lib, drug abuse, honor, good and evil – all within scripts about aliens and flying bugs and exploding space ships.

Star Trek: The Next Generation addressed the issues of their decade: gay rights, cloning, medical ethics and genocide.

The writers of Star Trek, and there were many, wrote about our need to believe in a better way, a world without hunger or poverty or prejudice, a world where we are not judged by the color of our skin or the shape of our ears. A world where disagreement was dealt with by discussion and compromise, not by guns and tanks.

Star Trek also explored spirituality. From the prophets of Bajor on Deep Space Nine to the “Q” and their belief in their omnipresence.

Star Trek’s vision of our future inspired countless NASA astronauts and scientists who watched Star Trek growing up.

From rocket ships that take us to the moon, to deep sea submarines, to the space elevator envisioned by Arthur C. Clarke, what these men imagined has been created, or is in the process of being created.

The imagination of these writers sometimes astounds me.

Charles Fillmore understood the importance of Imagination, making it one of his Twelve Powers of Man. In his book THE TWELVE POWERS: “It is through the imagination that the formless takes form.”

Quoting Fillmore: “With my imagination I lay hold of perfect ideas and clothe them with substance. My body is the product of my mind. In my communication with God, the imagining power of my mind is playing an important part. It receives divine ideas, and in dreams and visions reflects their character in the consciousness.”

“Imagination is the ability to conceive, to draw together, to inspire the mind with a sense of newness. It is the mind’s exercise in foreseeing results in material form.” Power of the Soul , Ella Pomeroy.

“….and in dreams and visions reflects their character in the consciousness.”

Like the prophets of our Judeo-Christian tradition, the prophets of sci-fi had a dream and a vision of what the future would hold. And much of what they’ve envisioned has now been brought into the physical realm.

Star Trek is perhaps the most well-known and most obvious example of this phenomenon. Communicators, talking computers, laptops, phasers and transporters are just a few examples of the imaginings of Star Trek writers that have come to pass.
What’s interesting about these relatively recent inventions is how they would appear to our ancestors, or heck, even our great-grandparents! If Ben Franklin, who was an
inventor himself, would come back today and see all the modern conveniences and gadgets that we take for granted, he would probably think we were using magic.

There’s a wonderful Star Trek: TNG episode called “Who Watches the Watchers?” that addresses this phenomenon….

A team of Federation anthropologists, working in a camouflaged outpost on Mintaka III, have been observing the Mintakans — a race of Vulcan-like humanoids whose development is at the equivalent of earth’s Bronze Age. But when an explosion rips through the post, the expedition’s leader and his assistant, are seriously injured. A third team member, a young man named Palmer, is blasted away from the site.

While attempting to assist the injured, the Away Team from the Enterprise is unaware that they have been spotted by a Mintakan, Liko. Stunned by the sight of the injured being beamed up to the U.S.S. Enterprise, Liko accidentally slips and is critically injured in a fall.

To save his life, Dr. Crusher beams Liko up to the ship, although it violates the Federation’s Prime Directive, which states that members are not to interfere with other cultures.

Regaining consciousness in Sickbay, Liko overhears Picard promising to find Palmer. Despite the fact that Crusher performs a procedure to remove his short-term memory, it doesn’t work and Liko returns to the planet describing “the Picard” to other Mintakans as a god, capable of healing wounds and reversing death

To find Palmer and minimize any further cultural contamination, Riker and Troi beam down to the planet disguised as Mintakans. They overhear Liko telling his friends about “the Picard’s” powers and are surprised when three Mintakan hunters walk in carrying Palmer. Liko immediately assumes that Palmer is a servant of “the Picard” and it would please the god if they presented Palmer to him.

While Troi diverts the Mintakans, Riker beams himself and Palmer up to the Enterprise. When Liko and the group realize what Riker has done, they fear that “the Picard” will be angry with them for losing Palmer. To redeem themselves, they seize Troi with the intention of killing her to prove their loyalty to “the Picard.”

Fearing for Troi’s life, Picard has the Mintakan leader, beamed aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise, hoping that if she is convinced that he is not a god, she will be able to persuade her people of that fact.

Despite all his efforts, Picard is unable to convince her that he is a mere mortal. They return to Mintaka to try to convince the people that “the Picard” is mortal.

Liko, still believing that Picard is a god, attempts to prove Picard’s omnipotence by firing a crossbow at him.

Troi asks Liko, “Are you sure this is what he (Picard) wants? That’s the problem with believing in a supreme being: trying to determine what he wants.”

Only when he sees Picard suffering from his wound is Liko convinced of his mistake.

Troi is freed and after Picard is healed, he bids farewell to the Mintakans, who are left to progress on their own.

This episode beautifully illustrates an interesting paradox: We are told we are created in God’s image…But, We create God in our image. We do it all the time!

Liko wants to believe that Picard is the Overseer of ancient times, because he lost his wife in a flood the previous spring and wishes her returned to him. He has created a God based on old stories and his personal need. This episode challenges us to ask ourselves: What God have we created?

Isaac Asimov once said, “Individual science fiction stories may seem as trivial as ever to the blinded critics and philosophers of today, but the core of science fiction, its essence, has become crucial to our salvation, if we are to be saved at all.” – Stargate SG-1

And at the core of science fiction is our belief that through the power of our imagination, our vision of a better tomorrow that works for all, we are able to believe in impossible things…

“There is no use trying, said Alice; one can’t believe impossible things.”

“I dare say you haven’t had much practice, said the Queen. When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”
— Lewis Carroll

The prophets of sci-fi believed that the seemingly impossible was very possible. Are we willing to believe in six impossible things before breakfast?

GREAT MORNING BELOVED!

The Father in the Prodigal Son?

As I was looking at Father’s Day looming in the future, I was attempting to think of a different way to look at it.

We’ve all heard the traditional Father’s Day Lessons…so I wanted a different angle, if you will. And I came up with looking at the Father figure in the parable, “The Prodigal Son.”

We may know the story, but let me remind you….Luke 15:11-32.

Rev. Ed Townley states: “I think the parable of the Prodigal Son may be the greatest short story every written—and perhaps the clearest and deepest description of Jesus’ unique understanding of our purpose in life, and our relationship to our spiritual Source.”

Do you get that from the parable? What could be our purpose in life? And what about our relationship to our Spiritual Source?
Well, let’s see….
We have a spiritually bankrupted young son who finds his way home after suffering physically and emotionally. Could that be our relationship to our source?
After all, he took his inheritance, wandered far from his home, (to the far country, metaphysically he was in “material consciousness”) squandered the money on life experiences and finds himself alone, impoverished and forced to work at the most debasing job imaginable for a good Jewish boy—feeding pigs! He assumes that his Father must be furious at him—that by leaving home he has separated himself from his Father’s love.
Yet, what does the father do?
When his father sees him in the distance, he goes running to greet him. He never really hears the carefully rehearsed speech, but orders that he be robed and jeweled and shod and declares a celebration to honor his son, who “was lost and is found.”

So, a little background information: a Middle Eastern man never — ever — ran. If he were to run, he would have to hitch up his tunic so he would not trip. If he did this, it would show his bare legs. In that culture, it was humiliating and shameful for a man to show his bare legs.
If it was shameful for a man to run in that culture, why did the father run when his son returned to him? What motivated him to shame himself? Before we answer that question, we have to understand an important first-century Jewish custom.
Kenneth Bailey, author of The Cross HYPERLINK “http://www.amazon.com/Cross-Prodigal-Through-Eastern-Peasants/dp/0830832815″& HYPERLINK “http://www.amazon.com/Cross-Prodigal-Through-Eastern-Peasants/dp/0830832815” the Prodigal, explains that if a Jewish son lost his inheritance among the Gentiles, and then returned home, the community would perform a ceremony, called the kezazah. They would break a large pot in front of him and yell, “You are now cut off from your people!” The community would totally reject him.

He would be dead to them…

So, why did the father run? Maybe he ran in order to get to his son before he entered the village. The father runs — and shames himself — in an effort to get to his son before the community gets to him, sees him; so that his son does not experience the shame and humiliation of their taunting and rejection.
The village would have followed the running father, would have witnessed what took place at the edge of the village between father and son. After this emotional reunion of the son with his father, it was clear that there would be no rejecting this son — despite what he has done. The son had returned to the father. The father had taken the full shame that should have fallen upon his son and clearly shown to the entire community that his son was welcome back

WOW. What does that say about the father?

What happened then is “restorative justice.” The aim of restorative justice is to return the person to a useful position in the community. Thus, there can be healing on both sides. Such justice is a mystery that only makes sense to the soul.

Here are some of the virtues I see in the Father:
The father is patient:

His son had been gone a long time, long enough for a famine to ravish the land, yet the father waited patiently. We need to learn to be patient with not just our children, but in all relationships, knowing that we all have much to learn. And some lessons must be learned the hard way. We cannot learn the lessons for anyone, we can try to teach them. This son had to learn some hard lessons, and the father allowed it. The father allowed him to go off even though he most likely knew the perils of doing so.

And in this parable, the father simply waits for his son to return. The boy knows how to get home, yet does not want to, at least not until he reaped the consequences of his actions.
The father is a seeing father:
He saw his son struggling with restlessness. He saw his son longing to be free, and independent. He saw his son leave home on a personal quest for happiness. And then, he saw his son a great way off, coming back home.

The father is loving:

When he saw his son coming, while he was still a long way off, the father ran to him and hugged and kissed him. Imagine how the father felt after such a long time, to see his son again! He doesn’t ask him where he had been or what he had been doing, though he could probably take a few good guesses at the condition the boy was in.
There is no lecture saying, “I told you so” or “You should have known better.” There is no “I hope you’ve learned your lesson” speech. There is simply the love of a father and the joy that his son has returned. Love precedes all else.
“And above all things have fervent love for one another, for ‘love will cover a multitude of sins,’ (1 Peter 4:8
True words.

The father is compassionate:
It only took a discerning look at his son to assess the trouble the boy was in. And after seeing his son, He had compassion, and it made a difference.
The father is forgiving:

His actions demonstrated it. The boy was ready to ask to be made like one of his fathers hired servants. Once the son had returned he was restored to his original place. Not only that, but they have a party to celebrate his return!
We need to learn to be forgiving. We should focus not on the wrong that was done (that’s a judgment) but on the joy that they have returned. So much sorrow could be avoided if we will simply learn to do this. And be kind to one another, forgiving one another.
The father has his priorities in the right place:

This father let his son find his way…not just back, but back into the family. Family is important in the Near East, as it is to many of us.
The most important thing was not that his son had left, nor that he had wasted his inheritance, or that he’d caused his father untold grief. The most important thing was that his son was home.
Material things can be replaced, sorrows can be forgotten, and missing the mark can be forgiven. “For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul? (Mk. 8:36).

Where are your priorities in your life?

Where is the justice, we may ask, as if we are the older son? It is not difficult to see that from the older brother’s point of view, all this was injustice for the younger brother after having rejected the father, practically spitting in his face, he turned his back to the one who gave him life, demanded his inheritance while the father was still alive, squandering his father’s living in reckless living and when all was gone and he had no way to go but having reached the bottom of misery, by his own rebellious living, he would return home and instead of receiving just punishment for his reckless doings, he receives a sumptuous reward.
All this would seem to make a mockery of righteous and obedient living, flying against all standards of fairness. Surely this must have been what saddened and embittered the older brother. It just did not seem to be right.
The older brother should have been gladdened by the return of his young brother, but technically the situation seems a little unfair.

We see that the father, quite fairly, is prepared to do for the older son what he is prepared to do for the other. He saw the prodigal son from afar and understood the mental and physical state he was in, and even though he had done wrong the father went out of his way to meet him to provide consolation.
The same with the older brother, the father understood the turmoil inside him and even though his attitude was not good he went to him, listened attentively to his grievances, did not rebuke him, reassured and affirmed his position and patiently instructed this son.

The father assures him that he will always be with him and all that the father has belongs to him.
The important thing is the father goes on in explaining why the return of the prodigal had to be celebrated for after all, the prodigal was lost and dead, but now was found and alive and this was a great miracle.
Fr. Richard Rohr defines “justice as giving everything its full due.”
Each son received what was due him.
Each son could represent different aspects of the human heart, but their actions were equally damaging and hurtful to the father. In this parable Jesus thus depicts and exposes two patterns in us humans as we live in this dualistic world:
The wanton, selfish, pleasure-seeking of the younger son
The self-righteous, prideful legalism of the older son.
Looking back at our lives we realize that our attitude is very much like that of these two sons, most likely that of the older son. This parable uncovers our selfishness and haughtiness and should make us realize that each and every one of us is truly a prodigal or his brother

It is important to note that nothing is said about forgiveness, though it is often interpreted as a parable of divine forgiveness. The emphasis is entirely on the fact that the son has been restored to the family.
Actually, both sons were restored to the family. The worst part of this story is that neither son ever developed a relationship with his father. If the younger son had, he would never have left home. He never understood how much his father loved him. He never figured out that what was available to him at home was more than all the pleasure and money in the world. He would not believe that his father wanted the best for him and had great plans for him. He had lived with him all those years and never knew him!
And the older son, the father understood the turmoil inside him and even though his attitude was not good he went to him, listened attentively to his grievances, did not rebuke him, reassured and affirmed his position since the prodigal had already received and squandered his part, and afterward patiently instructed this son
He didn’t understand that it was not about who had been good and who had been bad, it was about who was dead and was now alive. It was not a matter of who was deserving, it was about who was in desperate need. In the older brother’s concern for justice, he overlooked his father’s concern for grace!

Both reject the love of the Father, but the Father comes to both of them to show them how much they are loved. The Father does not care what the sons have done, he only cares that they are there with him and he desires to give them all that he has.
Neither never developed a relationship with their father! (isn’t that what the song CATS in the Cradle is about?)
Whether you relate to the younger son or the elder son, you have to realize that, eventually you are called to become the father.

Let’s take a moment to think…we all have a prodigal in our lives…maybe yourself, maybe a sibling. What comes to mind for me is my one middle brother, Mike.
We let him go his way, brought him back as often as he would allow it, tried being patient, gave him help as much as possible, then the tough love thing…and nothing helped him. He was on God’s time as many prodigals are. And eventually we lost him.
We must not despair if our prodigal does not return.
Sometimes all the prayers will not necessarily bring them back. And then, we must let go of any shame we feel, ask forgiveness for anything we have done wrong, and be willing to be authentic with others and ourselves.

Forgiveness does not mean that we condone that which is not good, but it means that we do not add to it by our condemnation or bitter feelings.
“Fathers are human. Sometimes they get it right and leave great memories and bless their families. And sometimes they get it wrong, just as the rest of us do. May I suggest that you appreciate your dad for what he did right and forgive him for what he failed to get right. Surely, you will want your children to do that with you.

Let’s close with this:

I’ll Be Like You

To get his goodnight kiss he stood
Beside my chair one night
And raised an eager face to me,
A face with love alight.

And as I gathered in my arms
The son God gave to me,
I thanked the lad for being good,
And hoped he’d always be.

His little arms crept round my neck
And then I heard him say
Four simple words I can’t forget
Four words that made me pray.

They turned a mirror in my soul,
On secrets no one knew.
They startled me; I hear them yet,
He said, “I’ll be like you.”

Happy Father’s Day!

Great Morning Beloved!

Do you know who you are, in this physical presence? Do you have a plan as to where you wish to go? To be?
We were asking these same questions on Tuesday during our class, traveling through the Quest.
And we at Unity did ask those questions and a few others, a few years ago at a Visioning workshop, led by Rev. Stephanie Seigh. She first asked those in attendance that weekend and then during the Sunday Service those very questions, or something similar.

How we all answered them, led to our Vision, Mission and Value statements for Unity of Rehoboth Beach. They are on the poster above the Fellowship table.
And they are on copies available to you on the information table every time you step into this space. (show cards)

Do you know what each statement means to Unity? To you?
Let’s take a look and as we do so, see how they fit, and what can we do to BE that, to be what the Statement is saying we are.

We started off with our vision:
Our Vision
We are a vibrant and inclusive spiritual community, dedicated to growth and transformation through the exploration of universal Truth.
A vision is the act or power of anticipating that which will or may come to be.
A vision statement is a declaration of an organization’s objectives, intended to guide its internal decision-making. A vision statement is not limited to business organizations and may also be used by non-profit or governmental entities and even PEOPLE.
A vision statement answers – WHAT do we aim to achieve?

Vision is perhaps the most fundamental of the elements in strategic planning. Vision is future oriented. It includes the basic concept of what the organization is all about—its purpose for being. Using vision, the organization is able to know where it is heading. Vision infuses the organization with a definite sense of purpose. In a sense, vision states a direction and describes the destination.

An ideal Vision Statement is one that concisely depicts a desired result that motivates, energizes and helps an organization describe its destination.
Vision is inherently future-oriented. Think about the vision painted by Martin Luther King, “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character”. Another example is the vision from the U.S. space program in the 1960’s, “landing a man on the moon”. In both of these cases, their vision drove the development of a mission, strategy, and tactics. It represented a very clear view of a desired future.
Here are more examples:
Become a $125 billion company by the year 2000. – Wal-Mart, 1990
Crush Adidas. – Nike, 1960s
Become the Harvard of the West. – Stanford University, 1940s

Once that vision is defined and articulated, you can begin to build the other dimensions of the planning process that will become the foundation for engaging and inspiring all team members.

So, look at OUR Vision Statement….

Our Vision states we ARE a vibrant & inclusive spiritual community. We ARE dedicated to growth & transformation. We EXPLORE universal Truth.

Are we BEING that? How is it showing up for each other, for our Community? For the Community at large?
All good questions…Let’s see how our Mission planned to express our Vision…

Our Mission
Unity of Rehoboth Beach is a shining light…strengthened through support and fellowship; celebrating diversity by honoring our individual Divine connection. We recognize the One Source that is Love, as who we are and what we express.

This is what the dictionary says a Mission is:
The business with which a group is charged, any important task or duty that is assigned or self-imposed.
A mission statement answers – HOW do we plan to achieve this vision?
A Mission statement makes clear the reasons for the organization’s existence as they flow downward toward specifics from the vision. Mission, then, flows directly from the vision and begins the crystallization of detail.

In a mission statement, the organization would state why it exists. It would also include purpose and describe the basic services provided. Generally, the mission can be viewed as a statement, which, if realized, can help ensure success.

How do we meet our Mission Statement? What things do we do as a community to be a shining light, to support our Unity Community and the Greater Community?
Are we “celebrating diversity by honoring our individual Divine connection”?
Are we expressing as love?

And do these things meet our Vision?

Our Values
Unity of Rehoboth Beach exists to be a Shining Light, providing opportunities for Spiritual growth and transformation.
Our Community is strengthened through support and fellowship.
We recognize the One Source that is Love, it is who we are and what we express.
We encourage Spirit guided exploration of our individual Divine connections.
We are Inclusive, celebrating diversity unconditionally as an expression of Spirit.

The values guide the perspective of the organization as well as its actions. Writing down a set of commonly-held values can help an organization define its culture and beliefs. When members of the organization subscribe to a common set of values, the organization appears united when it deals with various issues.

Our Values are tied directly to our Mission, did you notice? Shinning Light, Community, Love, Spirit & Divine Connections, Inclusive…

So, what do you think? Are we following what we said we were a few years ago? What we said we wanted to be and do?

And how can we be and do more to follow the Vision, Mission and Values?
(ask someone to Write down)

Now let’s look at YOUR Vision, Mission and Values….
My prayer is that they all are Spirit inspired.

Have you done that lately? Ever? Do you have a personal Vision, Mission and set of values? If you were at that workshop with Rev. Stephanie’s, you were guided to your “Standard of Integrity” …a set of values that can and do guide your life.
If you weren’t attending Unity at the time or don’t know where your card is, maybe that is something we can do sometime as a workshop.
When we started Unity, we had some idea of what we wanted to form, to bring forth really, because the energy was here just not known to each other. So, we had a vision. And we got together and step by step figured out, mostly, what we needed to do. We had lots of help and we still do have people we can go to for answer and guidance.

This is my vision…this and something even better.
What is yours? Where do you wish to be in 3 years? 5? Close your eyes and envision your personal vision. Dream a bit…be a visionary for you.
Embrace an expanded view of your life and your world. Awaken to your divine potential, and be aware of the abundance of good in your life. See yourself as a child of God, supported and guided, sustained and whole, vibrant and enthusiastic
Now, your mission then is how? How can you get there? What needs to be done? What are the steps needed? Who do you need to turn to for help? Guidance? Support?

Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. —Dr. Howard Thurman (1899-1981), theologian and civil rights leader

This is YOU we are talking about now…you who help to make up Unity here in Lower Sussex County, DE.
It’s you because who and what you are makes us who and what we are. So, answer those questions. Look to your vision and mission. List your values…list your points of integrity if you don’t have a CARD. I often think they are more truthful of who you are than the card.
Part of what may come up in your vision may have to do with your gifts.
You need to find what is genuinely yours to offer the world before you can make it a better place. Discovering your unique gift to bring to your community is your greatest opportunity and challenge. The offering of that gift—your true self—is the most you can do to love and serve the world. And it is all the world needs. —Bill Plotkin

We each arrive to this wonderful world with unique gifts, our own sacred soul. . . . Thomas Merton calls it true self. Quakers call it the inner light, or “that of God” in every person. The humanist tradition calls it identity and integrity. No matter what you call it, it is a pearl of great price

The deepest vocational question is not “What ought I to do with my life?” It is the more elemental and demanding “Who am I? What is my nature?” .

Fr. Richard Rohr states., “Our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic selfhood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be. As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks—we will also find our path of authentic service in the world. True vocation joins self and service”

How do we discover what is ours to do?
We use Discernment, which is about listening and responding to that place within us where our deepest desires align with God’s desire. As discerning people, we sift through our impulses, motives, and options to discover which ones lead us closer to divine love and compassion for ourselves and other people and which ones lead us further away.
Discernment reveals new priorities, directions, and gifts from God. We come to realize that what previously seemed so important for our lives loses its power over us. Our desire to be successful, well liked and influential becomes increasingly less important as we move closer to God’s heart. To our surprise, we even may experience a strange inner freedom to follow a new call or direction as previous concerns move into the background of our consciousness. We begin to see the beauty of the small and hidden life that Jesus lived in Nazareth. Most rewarding of all is the discovery that as we pray more each day, God’s will—that is, God’s concrete ways of loving us and our world—gradually is made known to us. [4]

Our values reflect integrity, honor, and respect for all. Be true to yourself and to others in word and deed.

“How we spend our days is how we spend our lives. There is no “someday. There is only today and how we choose to use the resource of time at our disposal.”

Today we remember…some with sadness in their hearts, some with smiles. And more often, both….

Lets start with a story…
It was a busy morning at the clinic, and at approximately 8:30 a.m., an elderly gentleman arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 a.m. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before a doctor would be able to see him.

He was looking at his watch and, since I was not busy with another patient at the moment, I decided to evaluate his wound. On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redressed his wound.

While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had another doctor’s appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentlemen told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she had Alzheimer Disease.

As we talked, and I finished dressing his wound, I asked if she would be worried if he were a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised and asked him, “And you still go every morning, even though she doesn’t know who you are?”
He smiled as he patted my hand and said, “She doesn’t know who I am, but I still know who she is.”

Remembrance means many things….

We come to know who God is through relationships. Spirit’s basic method of communicating It’s self is not the “saved” individual, the rightly informed believer, or even a person with a career in ministry, but the journey and bonding process that Mystery initiates in community: in marriages, families, friends, tribes, nations, schools, organizations, churches and centers who are seeking to participate in God’s love, maybe without even consciously knowing it.

Our relationships are the bond that hold us together, in all times…the good and the not-so-good.

Peacemaking, forgiveness, and reconciliation are not some kind of ticket to heaven later. They are the price of peoplehood—the signature of heaven—now.
We have been talking about relationships in many forms these past weeks, with the 10 ‘words’, with the 5 love languages…all relationship stuff. Did you notice?

Our Wayshower, Jesus, taught us, by example, the importance of relationships. His first vision of church is so simple we missed it: where “two or three are gathered in my name” (Matthew 18:20), I am with you.
We are forming relationships right here, in this Community of like-minded people. And these same relationships help us in unspoken ways through the days and weeks. We may not know it or even realize how the family we have here aids us on the journey. But they do….we do!

Relationships…..

The goal of the spiritual journey is to discover and move toward connectedness and relationship on ever new levels. We may begin by making connections with family and friends, with nature and animals, and then grow into deeper connectedness.
That’s what all this talk about getting to know who you are, you-yourself, is about. For as you know yourself, you are better equipted to know, really know, others.
And as we connect with others, we can and will experience this full connectedness as union with God.
For some it starts the other way around: they experience union with God—and then find it easy to unite with everything else. I would venture that addiction recovery works like that.

Without connectedness and communion, we don’t exist fully as our truest selves. Becoming who we really are is a matter of learning how to become more and more deeply connected. No one can possibly go to heaven alone—or it would not be heaven.
And that’s the whole point, we are creating heaven here and now, so, the relationships we have and form helps us all create that heaven on earth.

But sometimes, those that have been helping us create heaven on earth, leave earth a little too early, in our minds anyway. We all have loved ones who have transitioned to divine energy. I have family and friends, beloved four legged ‘family’ too.

This, from Unity Minister Joy Wyler, may help:
“You have to learn to go on with your life without her.” This was the advice I kept getting when my infant daughter Sarah, died. Every fiber of my being shouted, “No!” I quietly wondered how many of those giving this advice had lost a child.

Yet I knew many others have experienced the loss of someone significant in their lives; a loss that feels like part of their heart has gone as well. As I processed the loss of Sarah, I became more aware of spiritual teachings about love, and I experienced a very real sense of the eternal nature of love.

Specifically, I became more attuned to experiencing in my everyday activities the love of Sarah and others I had lost. My response to the advice, “Go on with your life without her,” shifted from just “No!” to “No, I have to find a way to go on without her in my arms but always in my heart.”

We carry in our hearts the loved ones who are no longer physically with us every day— particularly on special occasions. The holidays are a poignant time of celebrating love while inevitably remembering the empty spaces where a beloved once lived and loved.

We can share poignant memories of those who are no longer on this earthly plane, that continue to live in us and through us. Our memories are more than mental monuments. They are expressions of our love for those who have passed.

As we pay homage to loved ones, we revive the feelings of family and unity. We know there is no separation in spirit. We are united in a spirit of oneness that can never be divided. As we live in the present, we prepare for a future of loving expression and fulfillment.

I remember the anniversaries of the passing of my own loved ones. I give thanks for their wit and wisdom, their help and love. I am who I am because of their part in my life. I honor who they were and their contribution to the world. How blessed I am for family, friends, teachers, mentors—for all of those who have helped me grow. I remember them today with heartfelt gratitude and love.

“How someone dies does not make them special. Anyone can do it. It’s how they lived that matters because not everyone lives even while they’re alive.”

Believe it or not, this quote is from one of my Dragons and wizards books….

We are reminded to live our lives daily…the Daily Word tells us every day of opportunities to appreciate what God has presented to us to learn from and enjoy.

Too often we fail at that…at living while we are still here in the flesh. And by living while we are still here, we honor those we love who are not.

In his book “Lee: The Last Years,” author Charles Flood reports that after the Civil War, Confederate General Robert E. Lee visited a Kentucky lady who took him to the remains of a grand old tree in front of her house. There she bitterly cried that its limbs and trunk had been destroyed by Yankee artillery fire. She looked to Lee for a word condemning the North or at least sympathizing with her loss.

After a brief silence, Lee said, “Cut it down, my dear Madam, cut it down and let it go!” He knew that as long as she continued to recount her losses, she’d never get over them. She had to release the North in order to move on to healthy living.

Many of us do tend to hold on to the pain of loss, whatever loss it is. We like to wallow in the sorrow, in the ‘poor me’ sympathy we receive while we feel sorry for ourselves.

We fail to realize the benefit of letting go of all that and getting out of the “Valley of the Shadow” to bask in the sunshine of release.

There is a parable about Krishna saying to the people, “Here, I have a very special gift for you, the gift of immortality. Won’t you reach out and take it?”

“Thank you,” they say, “but we can’t, you see. Our hands are full of these sweet mangoes.”

Krishna smiles, “Let go of the mangoes,” he explains patiently, “then your hands will be free.”

“But Lord”, they protest. “We like mangoes. Why don’t you give us your present first, then we promise we’ll let go of the mangoes.”

What’s the Lesson there? We hold onto something, maybe even fearful of what’s available to come to us…kind of afraid of what just might be even better than those luscious mangos??? Or cutting down a tree destroyed by cannon fire…

Sometimes we just have to have faith. Faith that our intuition is right; that it won’t lead us astray. Faith that there IS a Higher Power that knows what we, superior human that we are, do not know.

“Every beginning starts with an ending. One must be ready to let go of the old before the new can be embraced.”

So, let’s prepare to let go, to move forward. Let’s honor those who have blessed us with their time, their love, their wisdom.

Let’s thank those who have gone before us…discovering the way, finding the Light.

Let’s recognize and give thanks to all who served a higher good. Sacred service is an expression of God’s eternal good, which blesses our hearts, lives, and the world forever.
Let’s remember them all…
AT THE RISING of the sun, and at its going down, lets remember them.
At the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, lets remember them.
At the opening of buds and in the rebirth of spring, lets remember them.
At the blueness of the skies and in the warmth of summer, lets remember them.
At the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn, lets remember them.
At the beginning of the year and when it ends, lets remember them.
As long as we live, they, too, will live; for they are now a part of us as we remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength, lets remember them.
When we are lost and sick at heart, lets remember them.
When we have joy we crave to share, lets remember them.
When we have achievements that are based on theirs, lets remember them.
As long as we live, they, too, will live; for they are now a part of us as we remember them.

And I finish with this story that I’ve shared before but think it deserves repeating:
It is told that in 1862 during the Civil War, Union Army Captain Robert Ellicombe was with his men near Harrison’s Landing, Virginia. The Confederate Army was on the other side of a narrow strip of land. During the night, Captain Ellicombe heard the moans of a soldier who was severely wounded on the field.

Not knowing if it was a Union or Confederate soldier, Captain Ellicombe decided to risk being captured to bring the stricken man back for medical attention. Crawling on his stomach to avoid being noticed, the Captain reached the stricken soldier and began pulling him toward the encampment.

When the Captain finally reached his own line, he discovered the soldier was actually a Confederate soldier, but that he was dead.

The Captain lit the lantern and suddenly caught his breath and went numb with shock. In the dim light he saw the face of the soldier, and it was the face of his own son! It seems the boy had been studying music in the South when the war broke out and, without telling his father, he enlisted in the Confederate Army.

The following morning, heartbroken, the father asked permission to give his son a full military burial despite his enemy status and asked if he could have a group of Army band members play at the service.

The request was denied since the soldier was a Confederate. But, out of respect for the father, they did say he could have a small funeral with one musician. The Captain chose a bugler. He asked the bugler to play a series of musical notes he had found on a piece of paper stuffed in the pocket of the dead youth’s uniform.

Those notes became known as “Taps.” We are all familiar with the melody, but do we know the words?

Day is done… Gone the sun… From the lakes…From the hills…From the sky…
All is well… Safely rest…. God is nigh.

Fading light… Dims the sight… And a star… Gems the sky… gleaming bright…
From afar…Drawing nigh… Falls the night.

Thanks and praise…For our days…Neath the sun…Neath the stars…Neath the sky…
As we go…This we know…God is nigh.
Lwt’s take those thoughts into meditation…

Similar Features

Here’s a quote from Kahlil Gibran
“We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.”
Any thoughts on what that might mean to you?

Is it some kind of predestination? Are we setting ourselves up for our experiences? Do we see things in current happenings similar to past experiences?

In the book, “Point of Power” by Rev. Dr. Paul Hasselbeck, He writes, “What I look for and what I think I will find is what I tend to find, not because it is inherently in the event or situation but because it is in my mind. I see, perceive, and experience my world through my thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes.”

We see what we expect to see. Does it make you wonder what you were thinking!!??!!

Stepping into a Unity Church or Center is a good example. If all you have experienced is traditional Christion Churches, Unity is not what you would expect…especially when we get into the Service! It takes a bit to understand that we are not your Traditional Church…we don’t even like to use the word CHURCH because of the emotions involved.

There is a Hindu metaphor about a man who goes into his house just at dusk and sees a large snake coiled on the floor.

He reacts, of course, with panic and shock. His heart races, adrenalin pumps, and his reflexes kick in at once. He jumps back and instinctively reaches to turn on the light.
In the brighter light, he can see that what he had thought to be a snake is in fact a coiled rope.

We see what we expect. We talk about bringing the light to situations to see the truth many times. It’s a great practice and it avoids a lot of panic responses.

I’m a big fan of Melissa Ethridge

– she’s so talented – she sings, plays different instruments, and writes her own songs – that really impresses me.
One of the songs on her very first CD is called “Similar Features”. The song is about the break-up of a relationship and the new love interest of the person she’s singing about; seems this person has “similar features” to the one that just left.

Often, if we are distressed about someone who has left a relationship, we could see them in others. I recall ‘seeing’ my friend Fred’s face on many others after he was killed in a motorcycle accident. I guess it’s the disbelief that the person is no longer around physically. It’s that wish to see them one more time, wherever and however it may be.

It got me thinking about the people we see day-to-day. I have noticed that as I move along on my spiritual journey, I can see similar features on the people I pass by walking down the street, at the mall or grocery store. Someone I see very often reminds me of someone I know; could be family, friends, co-workers.
When this happens, I am reminded that we are all one. And it reminds me that the love we have for each other can be found in each and every one of us. It’s the Christ presence within, the God Source within us all and within everything in the universe.

And, according to Rev. Hasselback, it’s what we expect to see in others. IF we expect love and acceptance, that can be what we will experience. If we expect something less, we can experience that also. Our choice.

You have heard the story of a man entering a town and meet a man at the entrance…he asks him what kind of people lived there and the response is a question, “What kind of people where there where you came from?”

The man says, “They were unfriendly and selfish, never helping others.”

“That’s the same kind of people you will find here.”

A bit later another man comes up to the town and asks the same question and is asked the same question in return.
So, this time the response is, “Oh they were great, friendly and helpful.”

“Well, that’s the same kind of people you will find here too.”

Another example of you see what you expect.

Fear is a learned emotion. We react based upon someone else’s experience, such as a child being afraid of a thunder storm because their parent was afraid and showed their fear around their children. The children then expect to be afraid even tho they might not know why they are afraid.

I saw this same reaction in my dogs, now passed on over the Rainbow Bridge. One was afraid of thunderstorms and soon both were, even tho the younger one was not afraid initially. With both of them shaking in their paws, I didn’t know which to cuddle with first.

I’m thankful Zoe is not afraid…unfortunately, of anything…but people until she gets to know them.

Back to the Lesson…

Paul Hasselbeck says that when something happens, we would be better off asking ourselves’ what are we going to do about the situation instead of asking why it happened.’ Asking why, he states, keeps us in a victim role. But by asking what can I do about it takes us away from feeling helpless and turning to action.

So, for my dogs, I gave them Rescue Remedy to ease their stress about the storm and spend the time comforting them as the storm goes on outside.

And when so called disasters strike, whether they are floods, tornadoes, a tsunami, instead of asking WHY, we can go into action, whatever it is that we are capable of doing. It could be saying a prayer, sending funds or help packages, or actually traveling to the site to help. Anything positive will help the situation.

Putting action, the what in place instead of why, keeps us in a positive frame of mind instead of negative.
Hasselbeck says, “the good news is that we create our own reality, our own life experiences through our thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes. The bad news is that we create our own reality our own life experiences through our thoughts, beliefs, and attitudes. Knowing this we can assume our power, the power God always intended us to be.”

Assume your power…we fail, maybe are afraid to step into our power. Isn’t that the essence of Marianne Williamson’s quote about “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure….”

And we are reminded of the 12 Powers we ALL have and just need to bring into consciousness.

That song leads me into another thread of thinking….being so alike as Melissa states in her song, why are we so against each other?

I’ve been focusing on using my Powers to resolve my prejudices. Yes, I have prejudices….everyone does. Take a moment and look into your heart, being ‘brutally honest’ as Dr. Phil would say, with yourself.

Prejudice is defined as – preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience
Can you honestly say you are not prejudice, at least a little?

Here are a few items that might stimulate your thinking…
• Some people will not buy a Japanese car because of the bombing of Pearl Harbor.
• After 9/11, anyone who looked Middle Eastern was looked at suspiciously and was often the victim of prejudice.
• Some landlords will not rent to a gay couple. And we now know some bakers will not bake for them either.
• Hallmark, the card company, has swapped the word ‘gay’ for ‘fun’ in the song ‘Deck the Halls.’
• Some people assume someone is gay because of the way they act.
• The hobby retailer Hobby Lobby has been known to not sell Jewish menorahs.
• Some parents will not approve their offspring marrying anyone of a different religion.
• Some corporations hire women but do not promote any of them to supervisory positions.
• It is sometimes assumed that someone who is physically disabled is also mentally disabled.
• White people don’t think White Privilege exists.

Got anyone thinking?

“The hardest spiritual work in the world is to love the neighbor as the self – to encounter another human being not as someone you can use, change, fix, help, save, enroll, convince or control, but simply as someone who can spring you from the prison of yourself, if you will allow it.” Barbara Brown Taylor

Another way to check yourself is to be conscious of your reactions to people and situations. We are attempting to be more conscious anyway, so why not add checking our prejudices at the door along with all the other things we are working on.

Carolyne Mathlin suggests we should ask, “How can I love more?”

What is typically underneath that question is a desire to understand more. Love doesn’t change. It is something that is the very essence of who and what we are.

Understanding is a bridge to living love. The more we understand, the more we are able to feel and express the love that is already present.

We can and DO make up many stories based on limited, external information, from all parts of our lives. Our call is to go deeper. The more we understand, the more we can feel the love that connects us all.

There are many ways to inquire as a way to develop understanding and ultimately love. When you are seeking to build understanding, the important starting point is to be pure in your intention. Start with the awareness that this is a soul in human form that has a story, with hopes and dreams, challenges and struggles. When you start with that, you start from a place of connection with them that is beyond personal beliefs.

Mathlin then suggests we, be curious. Ask questions in a welcoming, open tone; welcoming because you want to be invited into their world; open because there is room in your awareness for what they have to share.

“Tell me more?” is a great way to encourage someone to let you into their story. The more curious we are, the more we can stay open to viewpoints outside our own worldview, ultimately building understanding and an ability to love more.

We live in a world where we can become isolated, limiting our connection with anyone different from ourselves. The more we see each other in the various expressions of humanity, including all the different reasons people believe what they do, the more we will love. The more we feel understood, the less we need to defend and attack the other.

Learning more about someone else and why they believe what they do doesn’t take away your power or your voice. It simply informs you more. Understanding another doesn’t mean agreeing; it means you care enough about someone’s intrinsic value to see from their perspective.

It’s not about understanding with an agenda to change them. It’s about the intention to love them wholeheartedly.

As you venture out into the world or even sit down to a family meal and find yourself struggling to love someone, stop. Take a few cleansing breaths. Connect with them and then seek to understand. Prepare to be open to, even surprised by, the possibility of loving more right then and there.

And thus we can know, from Robert Frost “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.”

And knowing this, we can also know, It’s not the world that needs changed its what we think about the world that needs changed. And then life goes on.

The 5 Love Languages – Physical Touch

That wasn’t a very appropriate joke for the conclusion of our discussion on the 5 love languages, was it? Or, maybe for some, it was….

We’ve discussed four of the 5 languages…..Affirmative Words, Quality Time/Conversations, Receiving Gifts, and last week, Acts of Service.

I’m guessing many of you have figured out what your language is as well as your secondary language. Yes, most of us have a secondary language, like speaking English and Spanish.

And if you haven’t figured it out after today, there is a quiz, of course, if you just go to the 5 Love Languages webpage.

So, let’s get into today’s Lesson, the Love Language of Physical Touch. You may have noticed. I am a touchy person, I tend to make contact when speaking with someone and do not hesitate to lay a hand on someone’s shoulder as I pass by. I haven’t had my hand slapped yet but please let me know if this is offensive to you.

Studies have shown that babies that are held, cuddled and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those without physical touch. In fact, the babies and children can develop ‘attachment disorder’ if they do not receive attention from a loving person. Maybe one reason a parent is encouraged to take a year off to bond with the baby is an effort to prevent that condition.

All societies have some form of physical touching as a means of social greeting…European bear hug & the two-cheek kiss by the French, for example.

Touching among friends is determined by what is acceptable. My friends hug when we see each other, but some people shake hands, or even kiss. When we do Hugs & Handshakes here at Unity, there is a choice on purpose. There are people who do not care for hugging…so we remind everyone that handshakes are just as acceptable.

Refusing to shake hands, tho, can communicate that something is not ‘right’ in that relationship, however causal it is.

Physical touch, done in a loving, tender way, is a way of communicating emotional love. It can make or break a relationship; it can communicate love or hate.

“Almost instinctively, in a time of crisis, we hug one another…physical touch is so powerful a communicator of love.”

Dr. Chapman states, “The most important thing we can do for our loved ones in a time of crisis is to love them….words may mean little, physical touch will communicate that you care.”

This is another easy love language to learn. It can be as simple as touching as you pass each other, holding hands while taking a walk, back rubs (or my fav, rubbing my feet), and of course, with the appropriate person, sexual intercourse.

But this is not all about sex!

Holding hands, kissing, embracing, a touch on an arm as you pass by each other are all ways of expressing emotional love to your spouse or partner or friend.

Unlike smell or sight, touch is not limited to one area. The body has tactile receptors throughout, some more sensitive than others

There are nonsexual touches that mean as much if not more than sexual touches.

Casual touches as you are traveling in the car, laying together on the couch while watching a movie, a light touch in passing….all messages of love and caring.

Other ways to ‘touch’, if your friend or partner is tactile oriented…purchase gifts that relate to that…fluffy slippers, plush pillows, soft sweaters….

Plant a tactile garden that has a variety of different leaves and flowers that are enjoyable to the touch.
They will think of you every time they run their fingers over the different leaves and flowers….

Of course, there are appropriate & inappropriate ways to touch others. The ‘Me too’ movement has finally brought sexual harassment and physical abuse into public knowledge, if not understanding.

And knowledge of our love Language may help us understand why a woman could ‘stand by her man’ when finding out he was cheating. Maybe physical touch is not her language….
It’s a thought.

If one finds a certain touch uncomfortable or irritating, they should speak up. And if you are the one doing it, do not insist on continuing to do it—that is insensitive to their needs & doesn’t communicate love. That is more like bullying.

Fr. Richard Rohr tells us, “Modern culture’s preoccupation with the physical body and the exploitation of the body as soulless matter reflects the deep human disconnect from self, neighbor, earth, and God. Sex has become more like a video game with the goal of winning rather than part of the deep religious core of cosmic evolution.”

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin tells us “The physical structure of the universe is love.”

Awareness of our desires and attention to our deepest longings must orient us toward a unified heart and consciousness. Love is more than a survival mechanism; it is the fire breathed into the fabric of the cosmos that enkindles life, rendering life more than biological function. Love turns passion into transformative power.
According to de Chardin, Two things happen in any loving relationship. First, a new being—the relationship—is born with its own unique potentials and purpose. Second, the relationship—this new being—enhances and develops the individuals within it, each with their own unique potentials and purpose. Both effects, when recognized and developed, foster evolution. . . .

Louis Savary and Patricia Berne remind us, “Love is the most powerful force or energy in the universe. That power is multiplied in relationships. Love’s potency is released most powerfully among people who have formed a relationship (a union). People who truly unite for a purpose beyond themselves become “differentiated” as they unite and work together in a shared consciousness to achieve their larger purpose.”

That holds true for any relationship…even the ones we form here at Unity.

Again, Fr. Richard Rohr states, “Spirituality and sexuality are two sides of one coin. They are both a gift. One without the other might be mistrusted. But together they give us the capacity, not just to make love to another person, but to make love to God, no matter which relationship comes first. Sexuality and spirituality emerge from the same foundation and have the same goal: universal love.”

Sex is not a mere continuation of the species; it is the energy of love by which this universe is in the process of personalization, becoming more spiritualized, energized, and conscious.

So, we are creatures of choice…poor or good. Choice is our God given gift…a very precious gift. And, meeting the needs of another is a choice we make daily.

So, we choose to live from love…. or not.

We choose to use our knowledge of the love languages in a positive way or not.

Chapman reminds us, “Negative use of love languages…ignoring a love language is like ignoring the needs of a garden…it dies if we do not tend to… watering, weeding & fertilizing.”

Each of the love languages are vulnerable to insincere manipulation. Withholding any language from a loved one when you know that is their ‘language’ can be hurtful. ….like doing something just for the praise you would receive.

Or using sarcastic words towards someone who’s love language is Affirmative Words, or even the ‘silent treatment’ is a deeper wound, …it can be devastating.

Whether it’s not doing a service or not being present, whatever, the negative effect of withholding a love language can be what leads to a division in the relationship.

SO….

What is your primary love language? What makes you feel most loved? What do you desire above all else?

Physical touch is not necessarily your Love language just because you like sexual intercourse. Males sexual desire is physically based because of the build-up of sperm cells and fluid.

Women’s sexual desire is more emotionally based.

So, if men do not have a desire for physical touch outside of sexual intercourse, physical touch is probably not their Love Language.

Here’s a few questions that may help if you have not discovered your love language yet…

To discover your primary love language:
1. What does your spouse or partner do or fail to do that hurts you most deeply? The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language.

2. What have you most often requested of your spouse or partner? The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved.

3. In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse or partner? Your method of expressing love may be an indication that that would also make you feel loved.

Remember: Love is something you do for someone else, not yourself

Cynthia Bourgeault gives us some relationship wisdom, using scripture to help us along: here’s the scripture….

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:7).

“Love bears all things.” This does not mean a dreary sort of putting-up-with or victimization. There are two meanings of the word bear, and they both apply. The first means “to hold up, to sustain”—like a bearing wall, which carries the weight of the house. . . . To bear [also] means “to give birth, to be fruitful.” So love is that which in any situation is the most life-giving and fruitful.

“Love believes all things.”. . . . [This] does not mean to be gullible, to refuse to face up to the truth. Rather, it means that in every possible circumstance of life, there is . . . a way of perceiving that leads to cynicism and divisiveness, a closing off of possibility; and there is a way that leads to higher faith and love, to a higher and more fruitful outcome. To “believe all things” means always to orient yourselves toward the highest possible outcome in any situation and strive for its actualization.

“Love hopes all things.”. . . In the practice of conscious love you begin to discover . . . a hope that is related not to outcome but to a wellspring . . . a source of strength that wells up from deep within you independent of all outcomes. . . . It is a hope that can never be taken away from you because it is love itself working in you, conferring the strength to stay present to that “highest possible outcome” that can be believed and aspired to.

Finally, “love endures all things.” . . . Everything that is tough and brittle shatters; everything that is cynical rots. The only way to endure is to forgive, over and over, to give back that openness and possibility for new beginning which is the very essence of love itself. And in such a way love comes full circle and can fully “sustain and make fruitful,” and the cycle begins again, at a deeper place. And conscious love deepens and becomes more and more rooted. . . .

In case you are curious, according to Dr. Chapman, the Love Languages for most men are – physical touch & words of affirmation; for women – quality time & receiving gifts

The 5 Love Languages – Receiving Gifts

Great Morning Beloved!

The 5 Love Languages – Receiving Gifts

Happy Earth Day.

The first ‘official’ Earth Day took place in 1970. On that day, 20 million people in the US took to the streets to demand a clean environment, free of pollution. Within the year, the US had established the Environmental Protection Agency, the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act and the Species Protection Act. Earth Day is now observed in 192 countries and is coordinated by the nonprofit Earth Day Network, chaired by the first Earth Day organizer Denis Hayes.
Earth Day is now the largest secular holiday in the world, celebrated by more than a billion people every year.

We’ll talk a bit more about our Mother Earth later.
Here’s a story from Dr. Chapman’s book……
Erik spent a year in Kelsey’s “friend zone” before she agreed to go out with him. Since they were both big baseball fans, Erik took her to a minor-league game. They were sitting in a grassy area beyond the left-field fence when suddenly a hard-hit drive came their way. Erik jumped up and made an impressive barehanded catch—his first home-run grab ever. Two days later Kelsey found a gift-wrapped package outside her dorm room. She opened it and found a baseball in a small plastic collector’s display case. Taped to the inside of the case was a ticket stub from the game. Inscribed on the ball was the date of the game and these words:

1st home-run catch….2nd best thing to happen to me that day
They were married two years after that first date. Fifteen years later that baseball, still in its display case, sits on Kelsey’s dresser where she can see it every day. It is the first thing she would grab if the house were on fire.
If you didn’t figure it out, this week, our Love Language is Receiving Gifts.

A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or, “She remembered me.” You must be thinking of someone to give him a gift.

The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn’t matter whether it costs money. What is important is that you thought of the gift and expressed that thought in securing the gift and giving it as the expression of love.

In every culture studied by Dr. Chapman, and there were many, gift giving was a part of the love-marriage process. It is a fundamental expression of love that transcends cultural barriers.
From early years, children are inclined to give gifts to their parents, which may be another indication that gift giving is fundamental to love.
Even those of us who do not have our own children can probably recall a gift given from a child…even if it’s a shy smile from one across the aisle in a store.

These gifts are visual symbols of love. And symbols have emotional value. In a wedding ceremony, the giving and receiving of rings indicates a symbol.

The person performing the ceremony says, “These rings are outward and visible signs of an inward and spiritual bond that unites your two hearts in love that has no end.” That is not meaningless rhetoric.

Perhaps they have an even more graphic display near the end of a disintegrating marriage when the rings are removed…and sometimes tossed at the other….

However, visual symbols of love are more important to some people than to others. There are many married couples who did not exchange rings and sometimes, if they did, one or both may have chosen to not wear it for whatever reason. Hopefully, this was discussed BEFORE the ring was removed in Affirming Words, so both understand the reasoning behind the action, most often for safety reasons.

If your spouse, partner, or special friend didn’t receive many gifts growing up, they may never have learned how to select gifts. It may not come naturally for them.
However, giving gifts is one of the easiest love languages to learn.

Where do you begin? Make a list of all the gifts your spouse has expressed excitement about receiving through the years. They may be gifts you have given or gifts given by other family members or friends. The list will give you an idea of the kind of gifts your spouse would enjoy receiving.
If you need to, recruit help. Ask family and friends to give you suggestions.
Don’t wait for a special occasion.

Gifts don’t have to be expensive. The cost of the gift will matter little, unless it is out of line with what you can afford. If a millionaire spends a few dollars on a gift, the spouse may question whether that is an expression of love, but when family finances are limited, a one-dollar gift may speak a million dollars’ worth of love.

You may have to change your attitude about money.
Each of us has a perception of the purposes of money, and we have various emotions associated with spending it. Some of us have a spending orientation. We feel good about ourselves when we are spending money.
Others have a saving and investing perspective. We feel good about ourselves when we are saving money and investing it wisely.
However, purchasing gifts for him or her is the best investment you can make. You are investing in your relationship and filling your spouse’s emotional love tank, and with a full love tank, he or she will likely reciprocate emotional love to you in a language you will understand. When both persons’ emotional needs are met, your relationship will take on a whole new dimension.

There is an intangible gift that sometimes speaks more loudly than a gift that can be held in one’s hand. Chapman calls it the gift of self or the gift of presence.
Being there when your spouse needs you speaks loudly to the one whose primary love language is receiving.
Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give to one who’s love language is receiving gifts…your body becomes a symbol of your love.

Last week we talked about the Love Language of Quality Time. This ‘gift of presence’ is very similar to that, the difference being, it is not planned time, but something has come up and plans and work may have to be changed to “BE” with your loved one.
Thich Nhat Hanh – “If you love someone, the greatest gift you can give them is your presence.”

I can remember a situation when I asked my partner to forgo a scheduled card game because I felt the need to be supported during an emotional situation. That person chose to go to the card game and left me to fend for myself. Obviously, I survived, yet I can still feel that emotion of not being important enough.

“Understanding someone’s suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name. If you don’t understand, you can’t love.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

So, choose how you relate to the important people in your life…take note to what you both need, no matter the relationship. Even casual friends need your support. Be aware and if you are able, spread some love.

The spirit of giving is one of God’s greatest gifts. The mere act itself is divine love in action

One of the many gifts we all have is the Gift of the Earth.
It’s perfect that Receiving Gifts is the topic for today’s lesson. What a gift we have in the planet where we live.
AS I mentioned at the beginning of todays Lesson, Earth Day is today. It officially started in 1970, but the stirring of Earth Day started before that as scientists and politicians started grassroots demonstrations held at the Spring Equinox.

Every year a theme is presented and worked on by those involved with Earth Day. This year the theme is End Plastic Pollution.

Plastic pollution has become a major issue because of our use of easily disposable products. From poisoning and injuring marine life to disrupting human hormones, from littering our beaches and landscapes to clogging our waste streams and landfills, the exponential growth of plastics is now threatening the survival of our planet

Plastic is composed of major toxic pollutants, potentially causing harm to our air, water and land.

Obviously, plastic is an incredibly useful material, but it is also made from toxic compounds known to cause illness, and because it is meant for durability, it is not biodegradable.
We all know what we can do to help alleviate this issue…but are we doing it?
Here are some reminders:

1. Shop Friendly
Plastic bags were once a modern convenience but can be efficiently replaced by reusable bags, many of which fold up compactly in order to be portable. Just think about how many bags you typically carry out of a grocery store and multiply that by the number of times you grocery shop. That’s a lot of plastic! Carry a bag and always reuse plastic bags as much as possible if you have them.
2. Get Rid of Bottled Water
People are meant to drink lots of water each day, and plastic water bottles have become a great way to stay hydrated throughout the day. However, most of these are only recommended for single use, and that means that every time someone finishes a bottle it goes into the trash. Many companies now sell reusable water bottles as a substitute, reducing plastic waste
3. Forget to-go Containers
You would be surprised at how much plastic is involved in the making and packaging of food containers. Think the coffee shop’s drink cup is paper? It’s likely lined with plastic for insulation.
Plastic food containers, lids, and utensils are all easily replaced by reusable containers, which will cut down significantly on even a single meal’s waste.
4. Educate Businesses
Speak to local restaurants and businesses about options that they can switch to for packaging, storing, and bagging items. Many companies are starting to come up with excellent low-cost replacements, such as bamboo utensils in place of plastic ones.
5. Get Involved
Speak to lawmakers and get involved with government on any level, and you’ll see how many special interest groups have made it so that we are dependent on plastic without needing to be. Encourage development of items and propose alternatives when applicable.
6. Recycle Everything
Try and select items that come in non-plastic recycled and recyclable packaging, to do your best to properly handle items that can’t be reused. Check everything before you put it in the trash, as more and more items can be recycled these days.
Remember that because plastic doesn’t break down easily (if ever), recycling plastic means that it is still plastic, just being used for a different purpose. Therefore, you’re not actually reducing plastic amounts or exposure, even in the recycling process.

What more can be done?

Blessing for today:

May all who enter this house feel truly welcome, just as they are.
May all who enter this house dwell in ease of body and mind.
May all who enter this house feel the comfort of belonging to family.
May all who enter this house receive that which truly nourishes.
May all who enter this house be inspired to communicate that which is honest and true.
May all who enter this house know that in this place they may rest, free of judgment, scorn or expectation.
May all who enter this house feel the trees, the sky, the light and the birds surrounding and supporting them.
May we all take the strength and goodness we receive here and
Share it with the world.
Karen Johannsen

Great Morning Beloved!

“The 5 Languages of Love” – “Quality Time”

We’re back to part 2 of the book by Gary Chapman. “The 5 Love Languages, the Secret that makes love last”

According to Dr. Chapman, there are five emotional love languages—five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. They are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.

We’ve established that these suggestions can be used in many types of relationships, not just marriages. So, please apply the ideas and suggestions to your spouse or partner, your family, friends, co-workers; any relationship where you wish a better understanding of the person you are relating to and they to you.

And we also established that what makes one person feel loved emotionally is not always the thing that makes another person feel loved emotionally.

Dr. Chapman’s 5 Love Languages can aid us in finding our language as well as the love language of the important people in our lives. This in turn, aids our relationships and helps to make us all feel loved, which is what we are here to experience.

We were reminded that, “The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love.”

The first love language, Words of Affirmation, may have resonated with some of you.

If words of affirmation are the language of love for someone important to you, or yourself, you may wish to work on that language.

Now we look at the second language, Quality Time.

By “quality time,” we are talking about giving someone your undivided attention. Not she’s playing Words with Friends while you are cruising through Facebook. In this example, Words with Friends and FB have the attention. That is not Quality Time…it’s spending time in the same space but not having any idea what the other person is thinking or feeling; unless she blurts out an angry word because the other person has beaten her at the game.

What it means, actually is talking….and listening!

It could be while taking a walk, or sitting across each other while eating dinner, or sitting on the couch and looking at each other as you tell about your day. It’s undivided attention to each other.

Chapman reminds us, “Time is a precious commodity. We all have multiple demands on our time, yet each of us has the exact same hours in a day. We can make the most of those hours by committing some of them to our relationships.”

A key ingredient in giving quality time is focused attention, especially in this era of many distractions.

A father sitting on the floor, rolling a ball to his two-year-old, his attention is not focused on the ball but on his child. For that brief moment, however long it lasts, they are together.

If, however, the father is talking on the phone while he rolls the ball, his attention is diluted. Some people think they are spending time together when they are only in close proximity. They may be in the same house at the same time, but they are not together.

Quality time means that we are doing something together and that we are giving our full attention to the other person. The activity in which we are both engaged is incidental.

The important thing emotionally is that we are spending focused time with each other.
“The activity is a vehicle that creates the sense of togetherness.”

The important thing about the father rolling the ball to the two-year-old is not the activity itself but the emotions that are created between the father and his child.

Similarly, a husband and wife going running together, if it is genuine quality time, will focus not on the run but on the fact that they are spending time together. What happens on the emotional level is what matters.

Maybe some of us can recall a time when we shared quality time with someone important, whether a parent, spouse or close friend. Emotions that return when we remember that time spent together are the love that was shared.

Our spending time together in a common pursuit communicates that we care about each other, that we enjoy being with each other, that we like to do things together.

A part of the Quality Time Love Language is QUALITY CONVERSATION

Dr. Chapman’s definition of Quality Conversation is “sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.”

Dr. Chapman says, “If I am sharing my love for you by means of quality time and we are going to spend that time in conversation, it means I will focus on drawing you out, listening sympathetically to what you have to say. I will ask questions, not in a badgering manner but with a genuine desire to understand your thoughts, feelings, and desires.”

Listening is as much a part of conversation as talking and may sometimes be more important.

Being a good listener is a way for us to be loving to others. By listening, we allow others to share their feelings and thoughts. We can be there for people when they need someone to listen.

Every person, even a child, has something to offer that could enrich our lives. So, we listen with love to all who are a part of our life today and every day.

Hearing is improved by a willingness to listen. We may be missing a great deal in life if we do not or will not listen. An opinionated person may not try to listen; he may be so bound by his own thoughts that he can hardly wait to express them. He may have no ears for the things that are being said by others. He may even reject another person without hearing what he has to say.

And any important relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understanding the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and desires.

We must be willing to give advice but only when it is requested and never in a condescending manner. Most of us have little training in listening. We are far more efficient in thinking and speaking.

Chapman tells us, “Learning to listen may be as difficult as learning a foreign language.”

To develop the art of listening.

1. Maintain eye contact when the person is talking. That keeps your mind from wandering and communicates that he/she has your full attention.

2. Don’t try to listen and do something else at the same time. Remember, quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. If you are doing something you cannot turn from immediately, tell them the truth, and ask for some time to clear your

3. Listen for feelings. Ask yourself, “What emotions are being experienced?” When you think you have the answer, confirm it. For example, “It sounds to me like you are feeling disappointed because I forgot.” That gives him the chance to clarify his feelings. It also communicates that you are listening intently to what he is saying.

4. Observe body language. Clenched fists, trembling hands, tears, furrowed brows, and eye movements may give you clues as to what the other is feeling. Sometimes body language speaks one message while words speak another. Ask for clarification to make sure you know what she is really thinking and feeling.

5. Refuse to interrupt. Research has indicated that the average individual listens for only seventeen seconds before interrupting and interjecting his own ideas. If I give you my undivided attention while you are talking, I will refrain from defending myself or hurling accusations at you or dogmatically stating my position. My goal is to discover your thoughts and feelings. My objective is not to defend myself or to set you straight. It is to understand you.

Quality conversation requires not only sympathetic listening but also self-revelation.

When a wife says, “I wish my husband would talk. I never know what he’s thinking or feeling,” she is pleading for intimacy. Her emotional love tank will never be filled until he tells her his thoughts and feelings.

Self-revelation does not come easy for some of us. We may have grown up in homes where the expression of thoughts and feelings was not encouraged, maybe even squelched.

To request a toy was to receive a lecture on the sad state of family finances. The child went away feeling guilty for having the desire, and he quickly learned not to express his desires.

When he expressed anger, the parents responded with harsh and condemning words. Thus, the child learned that expressing angry feelings is not appropriate.

If the child was made to feel guilty for expressing disappointment at not being able to go to the store with his father, he learned to hold his disappointment inside.

By the time we reach adulthood, many of us have learned to deny our feelings. We are no longer in touch with our emotional selves.

If a wife says to her husband, “How did you feel about what Steve did?” And the husband responds, “I think he was wrong. He should have done —”, he is not telling her his feelings. He is voicing his thoughts.

The place to begin is by getting in touch with our feelings, becoming aware that we are emotional creatures in spite of the fact that we have denied that part of ourselves.

Try this – Three times each day, ask yourself, “What emotions have I felt in the last three hours?

The Greek word for disciple is learner. A person who is truly anchored in Christ is not afraid of what he may hear or learn. He is not bound by a closed mind nor by biased ideas.

In each of life’s events, we have emotions, thoughts, desires, and eventually actions. The expression of that process is called self-revelation

So, for the Love Language of Quality Time/Conversations, Choose quality activities. Being together, doing things together, giving each other undivided attention; that is what you wish to do to contribute to quality relationships.

Remember, it is not on what you are doing but on why you are doing it. The purpose is to experience something together:
(1) at least one of you wants to do it, (2) the other is willing to do it, (3) both of you know why you are doing it—to express love by being together.

Let us cultivate the ability to listen, to hear, to learn

“The 5 Languages of Love”

Have you ever wondered about people and what makes them have relationships that last long into their lives? I have from time to time.
We are starting a new series on relationships. I thought it advantageous to do so after our last 10 weeks, learning about relationships from our experts. Well, these next 5 weeks we will have a different look at relationships.
The book by Gary Chapman. “The 5 Love Languages, the Secret that makes love last” will be our next adventure. Although the book was written for married couples, it has words of wisdom that can be applied to all kinds of relationships: spouses, children, friends, co-workers
As we travel through the 5 Love Languages, you will be able to see how questions can be related to other relationships, like friends and family members.

Questions such as:
How does your spouse respond when you try to show affection?
On a scale of 0–10, how full is your love tank?
Can you pinpoint a time in your marriage when “reality” set in? How did this affect your relationship, for better or worse?
What would you most like to hear your spouse or significant other say to you?
People speak different love languages. Just like there are different languages in different countries & even in different parts of a country, there are languages we each have that resonate with our different personalities.
If we wish to have good communication with the important people in our lives, it would be prudent to learn the language of those with whom we wish to communicate.
Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English. And if you are not aware of the specific language, you may have some issues…for example….

Do you remember the story that Steve Covey shared in “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”? A man came up to him after a lecture concerned about his marriage.
“I’m really worried.” He said. “My wife and I just don’t have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just don’t love her anymore and she doesn’t love me. What can I do?”
“The feeling just isn’t there anymore?” Steven asked.
“That’s right, and we have three children we’re really concerned about. What do you suggest?”
“Love her.”
“I told you, the feeling just isn’t there anymore.”
“Love her.”
“You don‘t understand. The feeling of love just isn’t there.”
“Then love her. If the feeling of love just isn’t there, that’s a good reason to love her.”
“But, then how do you love when you don’t love?”
“My friend, love is a verb. Love, – the feeling- is the fruit of love, the verb. So, love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her.”

Steven was telling this man to find the language his wife heard. And then to ‘speak’ that language.

The word ‘love’ is a most confusing word. We use it in a thousand ways. We say, “I love whoppie pies,” and in the next breath, “I love my mother, my house, my car.” We speak of loving activities: swimming, kayaking. We love food, animals: Zoe, ….We love nature: trees, the ocean, flowers, and weather. We love all kinds of people: mother, father, kids, wives, husbands, friends. We even fall in love with love.
We also use the word love to explain behavior. “I did it because I love her. That explanation is given for all kinds of actions. A politician is involved in an adulterous relationship, and he calls it love. The priest, on the other hand, calls it sin.
The wife of an alcoholic picks up the pieces after her husband’s latest episode. She calls it love, but the psychologist calls it codependency.
The parent indulges all the child’s wishes, calling it love. The family therapist would call it irresponsible parenting. What is loving behavior? As we’ll see, it depends on the person.

Both secular and religious thinkers agree that love plays a central role in life.
Psychologists have concluded that the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need.

Child psychologists affirm that every child has certain basic emotional needs that must be met if she is to be emotionally stable. Among those emotional needs, none is more basic than the need for love and affection, the need to sense that he or she belongs and is wanted. With an adequate supply of affection, the child will likely develop into a responsible adult. Without that love, he or she will be emotionally and socially challenged.
Chapman states, “That need follows us into adulthood. The “in-love” experience temporarily meets that need, but it is inevitably a quick fix and, has a limited and predictable life span. After we come down from the high of the “in-love” obsession, the emotional need for love resurfaces because it is fundamental to our nature. It is at the center of our emotional desires. We needed love before we “fell in love,” and we will need it as long as we live.”

Unfortunately, the eternality of the “in-love” experience is fiction, not fact. The late psychologist Dr. Dorothy Tennov conducted long-range studies on the in-love phenomenon. After studying scores of couples, she concluded that the average life span of a romantic obsession is two years.

In fact, true love cannot begin until the “in-love” experience has run its course.
Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another, to know a love that grows out of reason and choice, not instinct. I need to be loved by someone who chooses to love me, who sees in me something worth loving. That kind of love requires effort and discipline.

How do we meet each other’s deep, emotional need to feel loved?
Chapman says “Men and women have an “emotional love tank” that makes us feel content, secure, and loved when it’s full. When it’s empty, when we feel totally unloved, it makes us feel threatened, angry, frustrated, and alone. The key question all of us face is: What makes us feel loved?”
With the 5 Love Languages, we will help you identify your love language and show you just how important your love language is to how you feel within each of your relationships.
And the truly life-changing moment comes when we understand someone else’s love language. You’ll begin seeing your relationship—even past relationships or those of the people you know—with a whole new perspective. Speaking the right love language can make all the difference!
There are five emotional love languages—five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. They are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
I must warn you: Understanding the five love languages and learning to speak the primary love language of your significant others may radically affect their behavior. People behave differently when their emotional love tanks are full.

Words of Affirmation

Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

Obviously, words of affirmation were his Love Language.
One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up. Solomon, author of the ancient Hebrew Wisdom Literature, wrote, “The tongue has the power of life and death.”
Here’s an example from Dr. Chapman’s practice:
A lady walking down the hall asks, “Have you got a minute?”
“Sure, come in.”
She sat down and said, “Dr. Chapman, I’ve got a problem. I can’t get my husband to paint our bedroom. I have been after him for nine months. I have tried everything I know, and I can’t get him to paint it.”
He asks her to continue…
She said, “Well, last Saturday was a good example. You remember how pretty it was? Do you know what my husband did all day long? He was cleaning out his computer files.”
“So, what did you do?”
“I went in there and said, ‘Dan, I don’t understand you. Today would have been a perfect day to paint the bedroom, and here you are working on your computer.’”
“So, did he paint the bedroom?”
“No. It’s still not painted. I don’t know what to do.”
“Let me ask you a question,” I said. “Are you opposed to computers?”
“No, but I want the bedroom painted.”
“Are you certain that your husband knows that you want the bedroom painted?”
“I know he does,” she said. “I have been after him for nine months.”
“Let me ask you one more question. Does your husband ever do anything good?”
“Like what?”
“Oh, like taking the garbage out, or putting gas in the car, or paying the electric bill, or running to the store to get milk and toilet paper?”
“Yes,” she said, “he does some of those things.”
“Then I have two suggestions. One, don’t ever mention painting the bedroom again.” “Never mention it again.”
“I don’t see how that’s going to help,” she said.
“Look, you just told me that he knows that you want the bedroom painted. You don’t have to tell him anymore. He already knows. The second suggestion I have is that the next time your husband does anything good, give him a verbal compliment. If he takes the garbage out, say, ‘Dan, I want you to know that I really appreciate your taking the garbage out.’ Don’t say, ‘About time you took the garbage out. The flies were going to carry it out for you.’ If you see him paying the electric bill, put your hand on his shoulder and say, ‘Dan, I really appreciate your paying the electric bill. I hear there are husbands who don’t do that, and I want you to know how much I appreciate it.’ Or, ‘I really appreciated you running out to the store when I had to finish that project.’ Every time he does anything good, give him a verbal compliment.”
“I don’t see how that’s going to get the bedroom painted.”
I said, “You asked for my advice. You have it. It’s free.”
She wasn’t very happy with me when she left. Three weeks later, however, she came back to my office and said, “It worked!” She had learned that verbal compliments are far greater motivators than nagging words.
The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate and do something our spouse desires.

The word encourage means “to inspire courage.”

All of us have areas in which we feel insecure. We lack courage, and that lack of courage often hinders us from accomplishing the positive things that we would like to do.
Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from the others perspective. We must first learn what is important to them. Only then can we give encouragement. With verbal encouragement, we are trying to communicate, “I know. I care. I am with you. How can I help?” We are trying to show that we believe in them and in their abilities. We are giving credit and praise.
Most of us have more potential than we will ever develop. What holds us back is often courage.
This is one of the reason we support our volunteers and thank them as much as possible.
This is why we are so grateful for our musicians and encourage those who are stepping up into new shoes, so to speak, singing in the choir and doing solos.
This is why we encourage all of you to share your gifts and talents, not only to benefit Unity but so you each get the benefit of encouragement, of stepping into something new, something you may have wanted to do for a long time but just needed a little boost.

And remember, Love is kind. If then we are to communicate love verbally, we must use kind words. The same sentence can have two different meanings, depending on how you say it.
An ancient sage once said, “A soft answer turns away anger.”
Seek understanding and reconciliation, and not to prove your own perception as the only logical way to interpret what has happened. DO this because that is mature love—love to which we aspire if we seek a growing relationship. Love doesn’t keep a score of wrongs. Love doesn’t bring up past failures.
We often have the option of justice or forgiveness. If we choose justice and seek to pay the person back or make them pay for their wrongdoing, we are making ourselves the judge and them the felon.
Don’t mess up your new day by bringing into it the failures of yesterday, polluting a potentially wonderful present.
The best thing we can do with the failures of the past is to let them be history. Yes, it happened. Certainly, it hurt. And it may still hurt, but he or she has acknowledged their failure and asked your forgiveness. We cannot erase the past, but we can accept it as history. We can choose to live today free from the failures of yesterday. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment.
Love makes requests, not demands.
The way we express our desires is important.
When you make a request of your spouse, you are affirming his or her worth and abilities.
A request introduces the element of choice. Your mate may choose to respond to your request or to deny it, because love is always a choice. That’s what makes it meaningful.

And here’s a double gift! Giving indirect words of affirmation—that is, saying positive things about your friend or spouse when he or she is not present. Eventually, someone will tell them, and you will get full credit for the love.
So, are words of affirmation your love language? Or the language of someone dear to you? Now you know how to make their day special, or to let them know how to show you love.
And if word of affirmation are not your love language, maybe next week’s topic, Quality Time is.