GREAT MORNING BELOVED!!
Agreeing and Disagreeing in Love – Part 3 In Life
Welcome back to our third and final part in Agreeing & Disagreeing in Love. From some of your comments these last two weeks, many of you have experienced a moment where what was being presented resonated with you.
That’s good…in fact, that’s GREAT! The whole point of coming to Unity is to hear the message for the day & to put it into practice. This IS Practical Christianity after all.
That was the point when Charles & Myrtle Fillmore started their study sessions on Sunday afternoons and during the week. It was to put into practice what they were discussing in churches all over their area.
And that is what I pray for you…to have something touch some place inside you, to resonate with you and for you to go on your way throughout your week and see how it can be put into practice.
So, we talked about Agreeing & Disagreeing in Love through our thoughts and our actions so far. Keep in mind, if you wish to review any of the talks, they are posted online at my webpage: Metaphysical Food for Thought. I always post them on FB too.
This last piece of the series is Agreeing and Disagreeing in love as in our life. And the 1st commitment is:
1. Be steadfast in Love – Be firm in our commitment to seek a mutual solution; be steadfast in acting out of Principle (do the right thing); be hard on issues, soft on people. Be on your card. That’s your integrity.
If you recall from last week, we mentioned that we be willing to negotiate a solution that works for all. If we are ‘on our card’, coming from our authentic self, we have left ego behind and are willing to see another way, a third option.
Here are those steps again:
Be willing to negotiate – Work through the disagreement constructively.
• Identify issues, interests, and needs of both (rather than take positions.)
• Generate a variety of options for meeting both parties’ needs. (rather than defending one’s own way).
• Evaluate options by how they meet the needs and satisfy the interests of all sides (not just one side’s values).
• Collaborate in working out a joint solution (so both sides gain, both sides grow and win).
• Cooperate with the emerging agreement (accept the possible, not demand your ideal).
• Reward each other for each step forward, toward agreement (celebrate mutuality).
The second commitment is:
2. Be open to accept skilled help. If we cannot reach agreement among ourselves, we will use those with gifts and training in peacemaking.
Yes, there is training in peacemaking and if it is needed to resolve an issue, then that is way better than letting things continue to simmer inside each of those involved.
We even have a couple of possible classes we could present to everyone on peacemaking and getting along with others. Maybe we will look into one of these classes to present. One of those classes is based on the book, “The I of the Storm”.
This is a suggestion from that book; a 4-step process that will take you from victim to victor. Feeling like a victim is often a part of the conflict.
1st step-Look into the mirror and love. When a situation arises that looks as though it is against you, be willing to see it as a mirror showing you the pieces you believe are missing in you. Ask yourself, “What resource do I believe is missing in me?” If we knew our connectiveness to Spirit, we would not feel defensive or attacked.
2nd step-Bless the situation or person. To bless means to endow a person or situation with the capacity to be a source of good in your life. When we bless something, we dismantle the belief that anything can come between our good and us.
We’ve heard that to Bless the situation or person is vital to conflict resolution.
3rd step-Do the right thing. Do good. This means letting go of our need to be right and to focus on demonstrating wholeness and worth. Our purpose in our relationship is to find a greater sense of worth and to be an avenue for God’s love. This also means we must be willing to take ownership and claim our part in the-disharmony in the relationship.
4th step-Set you and your enemy free by praying. Jesus tells us to pray for those who persecute us. We can do this by trusting that the relationship is there to gift us. “Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.” True forgiveness is embracing the other person and recognizing that any sense of hurt is from a place of separateness and isolation. Prayer allows us to shift our attention to our center. When we pray, we lift ourselves and the situation into the peace and serenity of God.
What the Big Unity folks are telling us here is that when we have done the processes of discussing, and listening, and resolution suggesting and we have failed to come to a place where everyone involved is accepting the resolution, then a trained peacemaker can be brought into the discussion to help to come to a conclusion.
Once again, our main purpose here is to come to a mutual agreement. No one wishes to carry a disagreement with them through life….and yet, that is exactly what some of us have done.
Well, it’s time to have it resolved for all those who are involved with the issue.
The third commitment is:
3. Trust the community – Trust the wisdom of community and if we cannot reach agreement or experience reconciliation, we will turn the decision over to the congregation or seek assistance from the Ministry for Peacemaking.
• In one-to-one or small group disputes, this may mean allowing others to arbitrate.
• In congregational disputes, this may mean implementing constitutional decision- making processes (membership vote) when peacemaking assistance is unable to facilitate reconciliation.
Jesus tells us to trust community in Matthew 18:15-17, saying if you have gone to the other and cannot find a resolution, go again with one or two others to aid in the discussion.
Our 4th and final commitment is:
4. Be committed to peace making and the demonstration of Principle rather than resort to courts of law.
In the time of Jesus, there were ‘judges’ at the gates of the cities where the locals could bring their grievances to be resolved. These ‘judges’ were way less expensive and most villagers and commoners would use them as opposed to going to the courts, where it could cost much more to resolve an issue and could last days, week and even more.
A peacemaker helps us make peace with the others. According to the Enneagram, a peacemaker is: Type 9. Calm; collected demeanor; Ability to diffuse conflict with ease; Zen-like presence; Mellow and soothing voice; Wide circle of acquaintances; Generally liked by most people.
Anyone you know?
Once you see your duty as a peacemaker in the world, you’ll be looking for ways to build bridges between people and God and then to build them between persons.
By definition, a bridge can’t be one-sided. It must extend between two sides or it can never function. And once built, it continues to need support on both sides, or it will collapse. In any relationship our first
responsibility is to see that our own side has a solid base. But we also have the responsibility to help the one on the other side build his base. Both must be built on righteousness and truth or the bridge will not stand.
“Finally, a peacemaker finds a point of agreement. God’s truth and righteousness must never be compromised or weakened. But we are to contend without being contentious, to disagree without being disagreeable, and to confront without being abusive. The peacemaker should speak the truth in love.” (Eph. 4:15).
So, we’ve learned to:
Accept Conflict – Acknowledge that conflict is a normal part of our life in the Center.
Go to the other
To listen with all senses, Be quick to listen, Be slow to judge
Be willing to negotiate
Remember to pray
And today we add, Be steadfast in Love
Be open to accept skilled help
Trust the community
Be committed to peace making
And James 1:19 tells us easily and clearly – My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,