GREAT MORNING BELOVED!!
OK, we’ve come to the 4th Agreement, Always Do Your Best.
With this 4th Agreement, we integrate the first three and put them all to the test by doing each one in the best way we can. Easy, right?
Not necessarily so.
Have you tried one yet, much less all 4?!!?
So, let’s look at each of the first three agreements and what that would look like when looking through the eyes of doing our best.
The 1st Agreement; Be Impeccable with Your Word. As a reminder, to be impeccable with our word, we wish to observe our words, both internal and those we speak; to ourselves and to others, about our life and about society. This means no gossiping!
Have you tried that yet? It may be more difficult than you think. Think back over the last few days…how often did you find yourself in the midst of gossiping with family or friends, without even a second thought?
It is a serious ‘habit’ that many of us have and without much thought. So, review your recent discussions and when the talk came around to about someone, how much was gossip?
And how do we tell if its gossip? Great question.
The dictionary tells us gossip is “casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true”.
We can ask ourselves – Is It True? Is It Necessary? Is It Kind?
Is It True?
While we rarely speak with the intention to tell outright lies, that doesn’t make our words true. We can perpetuate rumors, spread gossip, exaggerate in ways that cater to our egos and personal bias. Or, we can simply talk in ways that aren’t authentic to who we are and what we want to communicate. When speaking, ask yourself, Is this true? And if it’s not, why am I saying it? What am I really trying to communicate by stretching the truth?
Is It Necessary?
Words that take the form of negative comments, complains, or insults can help air our grievances, but they don’t always improve upon the silence. While we mustn’t ever censor ourselves, there are many times when what we want to say isn’t necessary or helpful for the situation at hand. Or, it might be necessary, but not for the given time, place, or audience. It’s always worth considering, Is this necessary? Is this necessary right now? Are these exact words right for the message I want to communicate?
Is It Kind?
When you say things, are you showing empathy? Are you taking into consideration the feelings of others? Are you saying something that will lift the mood or lift the spirits of those in the room? Expressing kindness isn’t about mindless optimism or giving gratuitous compliments: it’s about knowing which words are the most compassionate. Sometimes, this means refraining from speaking at all. Other times, it means saying what has to be said but using only the gentlest phrasing. Always ask, is this kind? Does what I’m about to say express compassion?
The goal of mindful speech is not to police your sentences. The point is to be conscious of the words that we often take for granted. Being mindful about speech simply means slowing down and choosing our sentences with care.
Being impeccable and doing our best…are you doing your best when it comes to being impeccable with your words…spoken and thoughts?
It may mean taking a step back when gathering with family and friends and when gossiping starts, either excuse yourself, or, better yet, ask the people involved to refrain from using the power of words against others…including yourself.
Agreement #2; Don’t take anything personally. If you recall, this agreement also has to do with the power and magic of words. This is about how we react to what others say and do about or against us.
And how could we do our best with this agreement? Easily said but not necessarily done, remember that what others say and do is about them, not you. If we remember that it is about the other person, then we get to choose how or even IF we wish to respond.
It’s the old, don’t react, respond rule. And if we are good at keeping this agreement as best as we are able, then we are always in responding mode, not reacting. If we find ourselves reacting, we know that we are not doing our best.
And Agreement #3; Don’t make assumptions. The biggest and best way to always do our best with this Agreement is to ask questions. Make sure you are understanding what the other person is trying to say. It is up to us to understand the other person and if we don’t to ask for further explanation; if we don’t say, “tell me more,” then we are not doing our best.
And as the speaker, it is up to us to make sure the person you are speaking with understands what you are saying.
So, both persons in the discussion have a responsibility to each other. And THAT is how we do our best when we are not making assumptions.
Not only is this a great way for understanding communication, but it is also a way to be authentic, with yourself and with others. Being authentic is how we want to show up.
It involves doing the best that one can individually manage, which varies from the different situations and circumstances that the individual may encounter. Ruiz believes that if one avoids self-judgment and does their best in every given moment, they will be able to avoid regret.
By incorporating the first three agreements and doing the best they can in all facets of life, individuals will be able to live a life free from sorrow and self-ridicule.
Our best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to feeling ill. Or maybe you don’t enjoy the task at hand, do you slack off or do you put 100% into it?
We know what the answer SHOULD be to that question, but do you do your 100%, no matter what? I hope so, even if the 100% you give this morning may look and even feel different than the 100% you give this evening.
I can tell you, my 100% these last days is very different than my usual 100%, because I have not been sleeping very well. So, it’s hard to concentrate as I normally would, so writing this weeks’ Message is taking a bit longer than my ‘normal’ writing time.
Can you admit to yourself and maybe even your family and friends, that sometimes your best is not your highest quality, but at the time, it is your best…and THAT is ok?
Can you be ok with that? If you are doing your 100%, you can’t do more than that, even if, yesterday, your 100% was a bit more quality than today.
And no matter what, you can’t give more than 100%…Not possible. It may feel that way to you, but it’s not possible. Sounds nice tho, doesn’t it? All you do if you try to go beyond what your 100% is at the time is frustrate yourself and probably wear yourself down. And often, trying beyond your energy level causes accidents and inadequate work.
So just try to make progress, do better the next time. Don’t compare yourself to others; your best is not the same as your friends or family. Just learn from your experiences and each time you will get better.
Under any circumstance, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.